I sometimes wondered whether the first people on this earth were as obsessed with their bodies the way we are. If in between hunting for their next meal and nurturing their young, did the women sit in circles around the fire, slating their stretch marks and avoiding unflattering angles, hyper fixated on their rolls and loose skin and counting calories like they counted stars?
“And I said to my body softly, 'I want to be your friend.' It took a long breath and replied, 'I have been waiting my whole life for this.” — Nayyirah Waheed
I don’t think I’m the only one who was scarred by the damage that the early 2000’s did on how women viewed their bodies. From encouraging fad diets to shaming girls for normal bodies, we have been conditioned to see our bodies as objects to be viewed and discarded once they’re no longer “pretty.” To love our bodies only when they fit into society’s rigid constraints of whatever is trending, because heaven forbid we have a body that behaves like a body.
See, when you grow up hearing that the body that you have is not enough and needs to change, at one point you start to believe it. So by the time I reached my teenage years, I could quicker recite the calories in a slice of brown bread than I could a sonnet from Shakespeare.
The thing is, we were never meant to be at war with our bodies the way we are now. And it took me nearly losing my life, people I loved, and giving birth to not one, but three children to realise that there is so much more to life than a number on a scale or the physical appearance of our body. And as much as we’ve been conditioned to reduce our bodies to objects that are only worthy if they are pleasurable under the male gaze, there is a slow but loud resistance in taking steps to steadily come back to yourself.
1. If it doesn’t fit you, away with it!
For the love of god, stop torturing yourself by trying to fit into clothes that are no longer serving you. A mental reminder that I try to live by is that clothes are meant to fit your body, not the other way around. This means that the jeans you’re forcing your poor stomach into just to walk around for a day with an inadequate supply of oxygen need to be chucked into a bag and sent to the charity shop, pronto!
2. Appreciate your body for what it does, not what it isn’t
I think for a lot of us who didn’t grow up with positive ideals surrounding our body, practising body positivity can feel uncomfortable, and almost impossible. So, if you need a middle ground between treating your body like shit and praising it to the gods, try body neutrality. The premise of body neutrality is to step away from looking at your body from an appearance perspective and instead from a functional one. Respecting and appreciating your body for what it does for you and de-emphasising the value of weight, shape or size.
Instead, you can try thanking your body for non-physical things. How it moves. The memories it makes. And on the really hard days when you think you don’t have anything to thank your body for, think of this: your body has a gazillion cells all working together to do what it can to keep you alive, so if you’re reading this, then it’s proof something’s working.
3. Talk to your body like you would your child or friend
I say this as a mother, but the trick to sometimes offering myself the kindness that I know I deserve is to imagine that I’m talking to my children, or my inner child. I do my best to intentionally make sure that my children never hear me talk negatively about my body, and my oldest — who is 5 years old — is an example of just how far that intentionality can take you. She looks at me — stretch marks and soft tummy — and tells me that she loves my stomach and that I’m beautiful. And the thing is, she’s not wrong.
For as long as I can, I’ll remember that my outer voice is shaping their inner voice, and that’s enough to quell my discomfort as I “unintentionally” talk about how much I love my body in front of the mirror while they are within earshot. And for those of you who don’t have the motivation of breaking the cycle, picture your friend sitting opposite you before you tread on yourself or make an unkind comment, because if you wouldn’t say it to them, don’t say it to yourself!
4. Stop labelling food as “good” or “bad”
Food has no morality. So as much as we’ve been conditioned to be riddled with guilt whenever we reach for chocolate, remind yourself that the chocolate bar doesn’t make you bad or good. Now, of course we can make nutritious choices when it pertains to our meals, but that’s a different story entirely, and is focused on making healthier choices, not just skinny ones.
That means prioritising balance over punishment, because essentially our food choices should not be a fad diet but a lifestyle. So have your sweet treats and enjoy them, but make sure you’re balancing them with nutrient-dense foods that fuel your body and help it function.
5. Put that damn phone down
We were never meant to be so glued to our phones, becoming spectators to the lives of others without regard to what that means for us. Ask yourself, would you feel half of what you feel if it wasn’t for social media pushing unrealistic standards and body ideals? Would you still look at your body with such disdain if you weren’t comparing yourself to photo-shopped, facetuned images online? And that’s the hardest thing — the fact that we really cannot trust our eyes and believe everything we see, although even if we could, I truly believe the only person you should compare yourself to is you.
6. If you have nothing kind to say, don’t say it
You know the old phrase that we were probably all told by teachers growing up about how “if we don’t have something nice to say, then we shouldn’t say it at all?” Well I’m taking that concept and spinning it for the sake of our bodies and mental health, because whether or not you believe in the power of words and manifestation, words have power. Really, it’s science, because if you repeat something enough, your brain and subconscious believe it.
So, instead of spewing negativity, why not try going the opposite way. As uncomfortable as it might feel, I promise you now that if you look in the mirror and tell yourself one kind thing that you either like or are grateful for about your body for 7 days, by the end of that week you will feel at least 1% more positive towards your body, and if you ask me, that 1% is better than nothing.
7. Do something nice for your body
As much as we’re focusing on habits that improve your body image and confidence, doing something for you that is unrelated to your body image is a way of escaping the loop we can easily get caught up in that drags us down as we fixate on every inch of our skin and body. So do something for you — maybe start a new hobby, get yourself in nature, meet a friend, it can be anything — just make sure it’s something.
8. Start living
At the end of the day, the reality is that the world isn’t going to stop because we are unhappy in the body we are in. The birds will still sing in the morning, the sun will still set, and your chest will still rise and fall with every beat your heart takes. The way I see it, we have two options — to let the world and our negative thoughts take over and win, or to realise that we can live a fulfilled and happy life in the body we have, regardless of what it looks like. That means your body is a summer body because… yup, you have a body in the summer. And that also means that even if you may have eaten more than you wanted to while enjoying a night out, the fact of the matter is you probably had a damn good time, and that is what truly matters.
So don’t wait to start living, because really and truly, tomorrow isn’t guaranteed.
